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The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.

Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.

Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.

I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.

We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.

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The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.

We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.

Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.

We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.

Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.

Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.

Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.

I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.

Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?

An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.

Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.

Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.

If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?

All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?

Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.

As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.

The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.

When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.

Smith & Wesson — the original point and click interface.

The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.

I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.

If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

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Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.

In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.

I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.

Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.

Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.

Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.

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Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.

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It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.

In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.

An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.

If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.

He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.

A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.

Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.

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Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.

Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.

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All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.

Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?

In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.

TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.

Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

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If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.

It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.

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One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.

Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.

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Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?

Premature optimization is the root of all evil.

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